I’m as much in love with my girlfriend today as I was the day we began dating nearly six years ago. This comes as a surprise to many people I tell, especially when I explain to them that much of this time, our relationship survived despite significant distance between us.

Throughout college, a six hour drive kept me from seeing my girlfriend on a daily basis. I saw her one to two weekends per month, except for summertime. Now in law school, while only a two hour drive away, I still only see her every weekend again except for the summertime. Distance has never stopped us from loving each other and making our relationship flourish. Regardless of the distance separating you and your significant other, a long distance relationship requires giving much dedication to the other. With that said, it can still work for those who are dedicated and know what they want.

In order for a long distance relationship to work the utmost commitment must be made by both parties. If you are easily tempted or do not have a firm grasp of what you want out of a relationship this will rarely work out well for you. With that said, there are a number of different things that we did in order to maintain our connection and make the relationship not only last, but flourish. Here’s how:

The Telephone Conversation

This is the key form of communication between you and your significant other while in a long distance relationship so it is imperative that you understand how to utilize this method for the optimal results. The strategy we used was to set aside 1-2 hours every night where the conversation was the only thing we had going on at that point in time. We would check in with one another periodically throughout the day via text or instant messages, however, we would save the bulk of our conversation for the phone call at the end of the night.

Some of the key aspects of a good telephone conversation include: paying attention, responding intelligently, avoiding distractions and having plenty of things to say. My girlfriend gets extremely annoyed and frustrated with me if I am watching tv or doing something else because I am easily distracted and often times miss something she says. Make sure to avoid this blunder at all costs. Another important aspect of the call is to have topics of conversation ready to go in order to avoid lulls and silence. There is nothing worse than having to sit on the phone not saying anything back and forth to one another.

A good conversation will keep your relationship happy, healthy and ready to pick up where you left off once you are back together.

Honesty

This is another vital piece of the long distance relationship puzzle. You have to be completely honest with your significant other, even though it seems tempting and harmless to tell the occasional lie, fib or exaggeration. Maintaining trust in your significant other, and conversely, having them maintain their trust in you is vital to make a long distance relationship work because you are not around each other to keep an eye out.

If you are going out drinking with friends, make sure you tell her that is what you are doing. Also, feel free to include the people you know you are going to be with and where you are likely headed. My girlfriend was never one to tell me that I could not go somewhere or that I could not do something; however, she was more receptive to me going out when I told who I was going with and where I was going. If there is someone that your significant other does not like you hanging out with or if there is somewhere your significant other does not like you hanging out, they have the right to know if you are doing so. A good rule of thumb for me was to reverse the situation, put yourself in her situation to determine whether you would want to know and If the answer is yes, you should exercise the same level of frankness and altruism.

The final two sub categories are trying to meet as many of your significant other’s friends and also familiarizing yourself with the places your significant other likes to hang out. By knowing who your significant other’s friends are and where they like to hang out you can gain a good perspective as to what goes on when you aren’t around. I made sure to visit my girlfriend as often as possible at her school so I could hang with her friends and see her favorite hangouts. This was key because her friends became my friends and thus would help look out after her for me in my absence. Plus it is always a good idea to have a mental image of the places where she likes to go so that when she says she is going somewhere I always had a good idea of what that place was like.

Being honest with one another and being able to trust each other is vital for any relationship, however, its magnitude is amplified in a long distance relationship.

Make the Most of your Time Together

The final element to making a long distance relationship work can also be described as the reason for the relationship in the first place, making the most out of the time you spend together. Spending time with that person, and enjoying it, is the reason for the relationship so make sure you do so. When you are together make plans to do something special, just the two of you. Do not just make plans with your friends and include your significant other in the group. You need some time alone together.

Some of the biggest arguments I ever got into with my girlfriend were entirely my fault because I would try to make plans with friends over her. I am not trying to say that you have to devote 100% of your time and plans to your significant other and only your significant other. I am saying that make sure a good portion of your time is spent with them, making them feel special. It is not just about elaborate and expensive gifts or dates either. Some of the best times I have had with my girlfriend were spent doing absolutely nothing at all other than being in each other’s company. Some of the best gifts, by her standards, cost nothing more than time and effort on my part. As an example, I made her a photo album with all kinds of different pictures of us together and she absolutely loved it.

If you are not making the most out of your time together than this may not be the relationship for you. Each relationship is about wanting, needing and enjoying the company of the other. Without that, there is not much hope for any relationship.

Long distance relationships can absolutely work and I am living proof. You have to be willing to work and expend effort however because it will not come easy. Our success was made easier by the fact that we are meant to be together and always have been. We were friends first, in high school, who became so much more. Good luck to you and your significant other because to love and to be loved are two of the greatest experiences in the world.

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